IF

With tearful eyes,

He saw her going

A shadow moving away

Taking with it, all life

And in soliloquy he said,

"Had I loved her true,

she would have been mine."
(Published in US on December 19, 2008)

FROM HIM TO HER

How solemn she seemed
And how grave
Till I stripped her off
Her toughness
And revealed
A delicate her...
As tender as an infant
As light as a frolicsome breeze
Long we sailed
In the silent sea of oblivion
But when tired and consumed
We slept and dreamt
Of each other...
Of our journey...
Of the nothingness residing within us
Of our long futile struggles
The shadows we ran after
Our unfulfilled desires
Our hollow selves
And then the eyes
That one last gaze
That completed us.

A LETTER

As you are now
I wish you had always been
Absent from my life...
For life without you would have been
Much more easier
Far less painful
For though we share the same blood
Our spirits are estranged
Our eyes never meet
Nor cry for each other
Our afflictions are solely ours
And never bother the other
My happiness is mine alone
And has never made you smile
I often think....
When you die, will I cry for you?
Will I mourn your death?
Will I feel a loss?
For even in the world
Our hearts have been foes
Our minds poisoned for each other
You have hated me throughout
And I being a child
Born out of the fluid of hatred
Developed in an unhappy womb
Nourished by a timid amniotic fluid
And fearful blood
With tears shed before my arrival
After my arrival
And throughout my life
I have been a child of misfortune
And could therefore, not love you
But reflect hatred instead
With hatred above me
Hatred below me
Hatred beside me
And hatred inside me
What else could I give you?
How do you feel
Recieving hatred from infant hands
Created for love and cuddles?
A fear on chubby cheeks
Created for smiles and radiance?
How do you feel
Getting denial rather than acceptance?
Stab your heart in some lonely hour
Cut it open and examine it
Is there not a single soft chamber
In this fist-sized stone?
Is it all black?
Blackness comes out of blackness
And nothing out of nothing
So live as you please
A life of blackness and nothingness...

WRITER'S BLOCK

It's jumping in my mind
Vibrating in my spine
Flowing in my blood
Creating a massive flood
Here and there...
It's ringing in my ears
Knocking at my heart
It lingers....
On the borders
Of consciousness and subconsciousness
It reaches my fingertips
I listen to its yearning
And hold a pen
To metamorphose
Thought into verse
But not so soon...
My mind has been locked
It's the writer's block

CANCER

yellow eyes
Overwork
Worry
Pale melancholy
Watery grief
Painful smiles
A tree with roots in the breast
Branches in the liver
Some leaves in the brain
And a heavy black fruit
Called death

Ode To A Bird

O my little bird!
Where art thou?
For thy heavenly songs
I dost implore
In thy innocent pleasures
I seek delight
And want thee always
Before my sight
Thy melodious chirping
O I can hear
In lands solitary
When I have fears!
Being so little
Thou understand not my pains
Neither can extinguish the gargantuan flames
For thou art a free bird
Of the rains…
Still, thou dost lift
Curtains dreary, from a happy life
And that momentous pleasure
For me becomes-a priceless treasure
Sing my bird! Sing!
Sing as long as I live
Cease not thy song!Let it spread…
May God grant you a long, long life
May the strings you fife upon, always survive.

Penitence

Either I am lost, in the pain of my self
Or I have slept under the coverlet of thy angst
Since ages I was a rambler
In the radiance of your faith
In your love, your sweetness, your myth
I devoted my obsession, my poetry to you
My songs, my mornings, my nights to you
Thy pain, worldly pain was my only cry
From your door to your porthole
I could only fly
But in a split second, a blast
Held me, my life
It woke me up from the hallucination of my life
On every parchment of my thought
I could hear the cloudburst of tears
My profundity showed me unbounded fears
Slashed bodies, stunned faces
Insipid, wrecked, sapped faces
I was dazed, along with my words
To see Messiah himself, the god of tormentors
These torturing, tormenting sights
Crammed me with dread
Blood instead of ink, was ubiquitously spread
Hither were the mountains of worldly pain
Thither human lips, with blood were stained
It was in these noises
That I lost my love
Every yearning, pining, prayer
Was covered with a glove
It is now that I need to engrave
About something other than you
I have to inscribe about the pain of life
In me, you will always find salvation
I will always be there to fill you
In the lap of my affection
I will make penitence for my love
But I wont be able to make amends
For the prayers of life
I wont be left with time
To do it later…
I have to do it now…now
Before it’s too late
Release my words from the shackles
Of your affection
Set me free….oh set me free!

Oh Lord!

Oh lord!
See how my pen quivers
As I begin to write for You
For words fall worthless
What am I?
But a speck of dust before Thy glory
But I can boast off my luck
For I am Thy creation
Oh Lord!
You reside in the realms of my soul
Thou art beauty, glory, sanctity, and sublimity
Thou art beyond wordily description
Oh Lord!
Let me sip from the wine of Thy love
And let me calm my burning lips
I tremble, I fear
For I am too low a creature
And my beloved so great
Oh Lord!Though I am living in nothingness
Yet deny me not a share of Thy love
Give me the honor of tracing Thy glorious steps
I am weak and I fear
I may not praise You too well
For Thou art beyond expression, beyond exaltation
Oh lord!
I plea thee, for the immensity of my heart
So I can replete it with Thy love
How ignorant I am
For I boast off of worldly love
Give me the reason, the valor
To elevate myself, with Thy love
Sow a seed of your love
In my heart, my soul
For I want to spend my life
Caring, honoring, pruning it
Oh Lord!
Here I am, head and heart
Ready to suffer at love’s threshing-floor
Sift me of my sins
For I want to be Yours, Yours and Yours
Thou grant and I beg
Fill my hollow self
Alleviate this suffering
Hush this painful rattling
Mollify this agitated heart
Thou art light and I am the resident of darkness
Enlighten my existence
For I want Thy holy flame to burn inside me
Forever and ever

A Downright State Of Emptiness

A downright state of emptiness
Prevails in this vale
Ah- the rain is still there
Beating against my porthole
But this time it makes painful memoirs
The torrent produces melancholic melodies
The clouds are perhaps my saviors
For they camouflage my afflictions
By hiding my tears in the raindrops

A downright state of emptiness
A bellow of thunder and lightening
And noises
The hush of my once non-violent soul
Has departed it seems
For this dwelling of my spirit
Quivers with tremulous jerks, dreadful eruptions
Spring has departed
And now I am entangled in autumn
All rapture is leaving me like a yellow leaf
Withered and no longer needed

A downright state of emptiness
My fellows in this expedition
To an unknown destination
Though once familiar
Seem so distance; so strange
A downright state of emptiness
Rivers surge ah yes! They still do
Flowers bloom, birds sing, winds gush
But all of a sudden
Everything seems futile-life itself!
A downright state of emptiness
Every creation seems to be in a trauma
In bewilderment, in atonement
The air is mute; the birds are mute
My heart, my mind, my soul
All are mute and life
Which once sang and danced-is mute

A downright state of emptiness
I can hear the shrieks of pain
I can hears screams and rattling
For pain and melancholy
Are echoing within me
I am void; I am vacant; I am vacuous
I seem to be having everything and yet
That one absence makes me unfilled
Makes me hollow; makes me incomplete
The absence of that one voice in the choir
Makes the entire congregation futile
The absence of that one companion
Makes the whole journey futile
My life without that one shadow
Is utter pain; is desolation
Oh my liberator! My comrade! My redeemer!
I seem to be having everything and yet
That one absence makes me empty

A Hymn Of Painful Love

Oh God! My Lord; The Almighty!
Glimpse at Your feet
It’s me, your subservient being
Kneeling down; kissing Thy ground
Bowing my head in Thy reverence
Thy will be done, my Lord
But listen; understand
Heed to this petition of Thy servant
Thou createst us with love
But oh my Sovereign Lord
It is through love that Thy creation
Dost destroyeth themselves
Thou make us feel love
Through the smothering hands of nature
It was with love that Thou nourished us
In our mothers’ wombs
Thou made us understand love
Through Thy blessings
Through the concern of our fathers
Through the love of our mothers
Through the voice of our beloveds
Thou gave us love
As a sentiment, distinct from all
Love-Thy holy water through which
We could rinse our sins
Love-Thy silk robe with which
We could hide our nakedness
Love-A monastery, a mandir, a mosque
Where we could seek asylum
Irrespective of our faith, cast and creed
Love-A wind that could quiver
The strings of our hearts
And produce silvery melodies
Love-A path that could lead us
To Thy beautiful kingdom
Love-A beacon that could enlighten our profundity
Love-A fire that could melt the stoniest cores
Love-The downpour of heaven
That could fertilize the barren land of our emotions
Love-An inspiration that guideth the Prophets
But….
This isn’t love to us any more
This isn’t how we perceive love
Love is that deadly dream that awoke me
Last night and it dawned upon me
Love has begun to lose
Its purity and sanctity
It’s approached in the name of lust
My Lord! My eternal refuge!
My tormented entity was shaking and screaming
Love-Thy holy water that we stigmatized
Thy silk robe that we teareth
That hidest not anything
But exposes our nakedness
Not a monastery, a mosque, a mandir
But ruins… mourning death of humanity
Trapped air, suffocation and death
A path forgotten and lost
An obscurity whose shadows engulf
Our bodies and murder our profundity
A fire that blazeth our homes
A downpour of acid that gives
Nothing but non-healing sores; rejuvenating wounds
An ignorance that led people to stone the Prophets
Love-Bloodshed, torture, assassination
Depravity, denial, crucifixion
My Lord! Take me in Thy hands
Let me take refuge in You
Draw a curtain, a veil my Lord!
Grant a share of Thy light to my eyes
Let me see only the purity
And sanctity of love
The reverent, devout love-Eternal beauty, my Lord!
Love that bows not in front of humanity
But love that is spiritual exaltation and elevation

The Secluded Phantom Of My Soul

I wish to tell you that it is you
A mythical image I once not realized
A thought concealed in my heart, my mind
You were the phantom, of my curious soul
A secluded passion that was then recognized
Yes, you were there
When I didn’t even know you
You were the serene wind that blew my hair
The sanctity that my soul bears
You were the smiles my face used to wear
The very warmth of my tears
The sounds of optimism I used to hear
When the pains were all difficult to bear
You are a mystic from whom I learnt
When you are loved, you can do anything in creation
Anything, beyond expectations, behind imagination
When you are loved, there is no need of understanding
What’s happening outside
For love is a world deep inside
And deep inside this sanctuary of mine
I hear a voice with sweetness divine
Without one another, you are none
Two corporal beings but soul one
Oh thou art my treasured possession
The sublimity of my only obsession
This relationship between you and I
Is like the one between man and glee
I can neither see happiness nor can I visualize
I can only feel, the serenity it brings
And so art thee
The serene song of my soul
This relationship between you and me
Is like the one between man and sorrow
I can neither see sorrow nor can I visualize
I can only feel, the pain it brings
And so art thee
The beauty of sorrow that penetrates my heart
This relationship between you and me
Is like the one between man and thirst
I can neither see thirst nor can I visualize
I can only feel, the passion it brings
And so art thee
A passion that quenches my eternal thirst
And after all this, haven’t thee realized
That this relationship between you and I
Is like between man and God
I can’t see God neither can you
I can’t touch Him neither can you
But we can feel Him, in our heart our soul
And so can we
See each other; visualize each other
Touch each other, feel each other, within us
For we are not two worlds apart
We are one soul, unified by Him
In triumph and in failure

Turn Me Into An Autumn Leaf

Take me in Thy hands
And caress me
For I am vulnerable to die
Even by a tender touch
Or else turn me into stone; a feeling less entity
For I can no longer bear
This heavy burden of pain
Call me to my Eternal home
Before my tongue dares to utter
The wish of bereavement
Oh God-The Everlasting!!!!

Woe Of A Girl

I aspire to have been been
Below this six feet ground
Away from quandaries and tortures
For a one-time demise
Is preferable
To dying every other day
I wish I had been
One of those daughters of Arabia
Who were given to death
The very day they were born
Who suffered pains but once
Who were slain but once
Death of infancy
Father’s discrepancy
Society’s malignancy
All but once
But today I subsist
Though I am dead within
Every night I am made to wade
Through a teary tide
I am sorrow’s bride
And in my womb I hide
Conceptions of tomorrow
Children of torture, repression and sorrow